A testimony from a Hillsong Worship Leader who suffered loss of a child

"But I know that my circumstance and this season doesn't change that God is still God. That it doesn't change what He has called me to be here and has called me to do. And He still sits on the throne and He still rules and He is still bigger than anything I am facing."

"Her standing there and glorifying God in the midst of her loss and tragedy meant that the Devil lost kind of what he was trying to achieve."

"When I am in the fire, and when I am being refined, and when I am in a battle, and when the triumph isn't here but it's coming... I think that you look at God and you say I know this is Who You are and He does get bigger in your life and it takes over the things in you that feels so shattered and it makes Him the focus and it begins to put those things together."


Verse 1:
This is my prayer in the desert
And all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in the hunger in me
My God is a God who provides

Verse 2:
And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames

Chorus:
And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon forged against me shall remain

I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

Verse 3:
And this is my prayer in the battle
And triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand

Bridge:
All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

Verse 4:
This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be empited again
The seed I've recieved I will sow

Monday thoughts on a rainy afternoon

It has been 5 days since we found out Baby's in Heaven. It has been 3 days since the doctor washed my womb. But not a minute has passed that i rejoice that baby is with Abba Daddy God and save in Jesus's arms. Not a minute has passed by that I have not missed the little one.

Although we didn't get to hold him or her in our arms, baby was still a blessing. Our little one has only grown our family of 3 closer and taught us to stand firmly on His Word of truth in Jer 29:11 over us. I may not understand everything that has transpired, but I know one thing- Daddy God loves us so very much and Jesus will only give us the best.

On Sunday, reading the lyrics of "Glory Baby" moved me so much and I cried. I really cried from the depths of my heart. And in my tears, I saw the reflection of my hubby's sadness too. But we know from our sadness will come great rejoicing because the LORD will not fail us. He is good all the time and faithful to His promises.

So we await our promised baby (or 2 or 3 or 4!!) whom we will cuddle, sing to bed and tell about the love of Jesus.

He is faithful to bless my womb and make it fruitful. Amen.

Watermark - glory baby

(Thanks Shaun for sharing this...)

Glory baby you slipped away as fast as we could say baby…baby..
You were growing, what happened dear?
You disappeared on us baby…baby..
Heaven will hold you before we do
Heaven will keep you safe until we’re home with you…
Until we’re home with you…

Miss you everyday
Miss you in every way
But we know there’s a
day when we will hold you
We will hold you
You’ll kiss our tears away
When we’re home to stay
Can’t wait for the day when we will see you
We will see you
But baby let sweet Jesus hold you
‘till mom and dad can hold you…
You’ll just have heaven before we do
You’ll just have heaven before we do

Sweet little baby, it’s hard to
understand it ‘cause we’re hurting
We are hurting
But there is healing
And we know we’re stronger people through the growing
And in knowing-
That all things work together for our good
And God works His purposes just like He said He would…
Just like He said He would…

BRIDGE:
I can’t imagine heaven’s lullabies
and what they must sound like
But I will rest in knowing, heaven is your home
And it’s all you’ll ever know…all you’ll ever know…

======

A day or two before the gynae appointment, I had a dream where I got to hear our baby's heartbeat but it didn't sound like the throbbing heartbeat of a baby... it sounded like beautiful chimes playing. It was such a peaceful tinkling of notes. I wonder if it was the Holy Spirit's way of telling me about our baby.

I will rest in knowing heaven in baby's home. - How true. =)

Comfort from Oz

I spoke to Yuning who called from Australia last night and am feeling less nervous about my D&C procedure in an hour or so. She explained what will take place and also reassured me about our gynae. It was good to hear her voice again. It's been so long. Really miss her.

Coming to terms

Baby didn't make it.

We went for the scan yesterday with K and the baby didn't grow. Neither did it have a heartbeat. It was hard news to hear and it was harder to explain to K but he was really sweet about it. He held my hands and hugged me when I cried. Ian took the news calmly and is being optimistic for the both of us. I have been a puddle of tears although it is well within my soul.

I do miss the baby already. When it is quiet, I miss baby most. It is hard not to cry. My tear ducts are overflowing... But I rest assured that what the devil robs us of, GOD will restore many folds.

Seeing the outpouring of love and concern moves me, but replying them takes strength and I am glad I can find it in Him.

It will be a little while more before we can give K a sibling. But we know we will- & always in His perfect time.

Tomorrow I will be going for womb washing and a part of me hopes for the impossible- a miracle of life. A Lazarus situation.

I rest in Him for now.

033 Kor Kor bear prays

Kae's prayer over his sibling this night- "I pray that baby will be intelligent, wise, healthy and strong. That baby will be courageous and full of kindness. That baby will be filled with the love of God and understand His love too. This we pray in Jesus's name. Amen!"


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032 Redeemed means redeemed

Christ was hung on a tree and made accursed in our place so that today we are redeemed of every single curse laid upon us because we live in a fallen world.

When Jesus cried out. IT IA FINISHED, there is left a choice for us to make- to believe that His Word is the truth, that He has indeed finished off all weapon that tries to come against us past, present and future... OR we can believe otherwise and agree with the world that we haven't been redeemed yet.

I was reading Deut28 again and seeing all the blessings He has won for me and all the curses He has borne for me so that today I am truly redeemed. I couldn't help but feel so blessed to be able to stand on His Promises for me because I am the righteousness of Christ and heir o the blessings of Abraham.

I am the redeemed, and redeemed I remain. Amen!

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