Selah

You know the plans You have for me
You will complete Your work in me
My name's engraved upon Your heart

- "My Abba" , Karen Lim

I feel I have grown again through the experience... I really thank God that He always takes things meant to stumble us and to turn it around into a huge blessing - not just for us, but for those we can encourage because we can truly empathize.

Before I miscarriaged, another friend of mine miscarried a few days earlier. We got to know each other online. And at first she was bottling all her hurts and guilt inside. Her sms to tell me she had miscarried was short and I could feel her pain. When I miscarriaged and shared with her, she was able to open up to me with nothing to hold her back because we were both in the same boat.

She is a Roman Catholic but a "baby" one. We have one common denominator- our Redeemer.

So I was able to grieve together with her and share together with her. And the other day she msged to tell me that she really felt like she's healed from the experience and that she has also grown deeper in His Word through all the sharings we've had together on sms and emails.

And that to me, was really a "HAHA! TAKE THAT, ENEMY!" moment. We didn't give in to the defeat and the emotions that threatened to drown us out, but kept resting on the Solid Rock of Christ.

It is beautiful on hindsight... so awesome in fact... how Abba Daddy God, through the sea of pain, led me to someone else also in that sea and who needed to be kept buoyant by His Word. I was able to share my life jacket, my floating device... and there were 2 victories to shout His fame. =)

Post Gynae thoughts

We went to the gynae for the follow up to the d&c process. He said I am healing well and that tests done show that I have a healthy womb without any abnormalies. He has suggested that we can try for another child in 2 months time- much faster than we expected. Most people recommended to me a 5-6mths wait. As my gynae is the HEAD OF REPRODUCTIVE MEDICINE in Singapore's top women and child facility, I am sure I can take his two months recommendation seriously... That, and the absolute truth that I am in Christ and He has quickened my health and my reproductive abilities. I have life and life more abundantly. Amen!
We are excited and very joyful in the LORD for watching over us every step of the way- down to the most meticulous details.

Going to discipline how I eat and exercise. Gotta start packing the house too. :)



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Even the clouds are there for a purpose

I love feeling the breeze on my face. Even the faintest whisper of one calls out His name. =)

This morning hubby and I were walking back from breakfast when we noticed the sky was a cloudless azure canvas and it was beautiful.

By noon, the clouds started rolling lazily in but they've helped to shade us from the white hot heat of midday.

Sometimes in life, the clouds that we feel block the sunlight and the sky from our sights serve a purpose. But it takes hindsight to appreciate them.

Sometimes people wonder "Why not this?" OR "Why not now?". It seems for that moment as if God is not allowing what we hope for to happen- and our skies fill up with clouds. However when you take a deep breath and look back, you might just see how sometimes the LORD doesn't allow certain things to happen, not to tease you or make life difficult for you, but it is because that cloudless sky you wanted might be the bringer of a drought or a heatstroke. The clouds are there for a purpose. They are not there to block your view, they are there to shelter you from the heat.

Everything and everyone has a season. The tides have their ebb and flow. The sun rises and sets. The flowers bloom, wilt, become pods and bring new life. If we will just quiet our hearts, we too will come to understand what our season is and to learn to rejoice with each step the amazing journey we have ahead of us. I choose to grow. You? =)

I simply cannot cry anymore.... =)

I was just sitting at the dining table looking at the "Guardian one step Pregnancy Test" from a few months ago and I realised I couldn't cry anymore.

It isn't because I no longer miss the baby or because my tear ducts are faulty. I think it is because I no longer see reason to cry.

Lest you think me an unfeeling Vulcan (ie Spock's race in Star Trek), it is simply because I have come to see that this baby has come to only know Sozo LIFE - the life we are all journeying towards. Baby just got there faster. (Somewhat like how Kae got his own Cannes page faster than his parents... lol.)

And when you realise that baby will never know sickness, pain, sadness, loneliness, etc etc (the whole gamut of the fallen earth problems), but will know what true joy, true love and what it really means to live- it changes the way we view the situation.

I guess as humans we have expectations and we had longed for this child to journey alongside us, but God had infinitely better plans for the baby. And He will send us another journey mate of a child to love and guide in His perfect time. Kae, Ian and I await with joyful hearts, lungful of praises for that day.

We are believing for an April or May 2011 baby. Believe with us if you read this and say in agreement a hearty- AMEN! =D

Gynae Appointment tomorrow

Tomorrow is the gynae appointment. Can't help but wonder what the doc will be looking out for and what will he advice/say.

I dun feel that sadness as much as I do feel His victory in my life now. I know the devil hopes to rob me and make me fall back into depression. I am not giving him the pleasure of the latter.

Th days have been filled with quiet time- healing and resting in His Word, as well as meeting up with friends, spending time with our 8 year old and just spending time with my hubby in the evenings/ nights and weekends.

Ian will be away from Friday onwards as will my parents. He is going to NAB in Las Vegas whilst my parents will be away in Taiwan for a holiday.

As for me, I have our little man to potter around with. He is such a sweetheart, professing that he will take care of mummy whilst daddy is away and he even volunteered to help cook rice. :D

Sometimes the best way not to meditate on any ill that has befallen is is to turn our eyes to Jesus and also to rememeber ALL His other blessings in our lives.

Seasons

I recall how my chemistry teacher used to tell us how she loved to smell her son's shirts whenever he wasn't in town. And we all laughed and some called her a psycho.

But I guess now I am in the season to understand this love...

This maternal love that enjoys watching her little one sleep, enjoys folding his clothes and marveling at how much he has grown over the years.

This maternal love is also in the season of understanding how mothers can love deeply even the children they have lost from the start, and coming to empathise with the hope in the LORD that all these women stand upon.

I feel like I have come to understand so many things through this one loss, that I believe will not happen ever again to us... I know that the LORD has taken this sorrow and turned it around into rejoicing and to bless our walk as a married couple, as a family.

I can see how K appreciates us even more after this loss... perhaps from grieving along with us in his little 8 yr old way that was full of hope in Jesus, as opposed to despair.

Selah.

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I understand this much better now...

Philippians 4:7 (MSG)- "Before you know it, a sense of GOD'S WHOLENESS, EVERYTHING COMING TOGETHER FOR GOOD, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when CHRIST DISPLACES WORRY at the center of your life."


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